By Making Ayodhya Rama’s Birth place Valmiki conspired to demolish Babri Masjid. In a shocking revelation to the nation, the investigation website has exposed that the robber turned alleged ‘saint’ Valmiki was part of the Sangh Parivar conspiracy to demolish the Babri Masjid.

In a daring first in the history investigative journalism reporters Gopal Nizam and Che Daspriya went to Valmiki’s time. Prof. Witty Zeal helped the reporters obtain a time machine from Hollywood through his Harvard connections. After reaching Valmiki’s time they posed themselves as mendicants and infiltrated his gang of half-naked dark skinned forest dwellers and candidly obtained the testimony. In the sting operation video with a hidden camera, the robber who allegedly had become a ‘sage’ was seen telling the reporters that his choice of Ayodhya as the birth place of Rama was influenced by his ability to see a Masjid coming up there.

Narada’s role as the main instigator too had been acknowledged by Valmiki who was seen saying in the video captured by hidden camera, ‘Had I not met Narada I would not have written Ramayana’. Sting operation further shot at different temporal locations also revealed a series of elaborate conspirators who after Valmiki had with same vehemence made Ayodhya the birth place of Rama thus meticulously planning to destroy the Babri Masjid centuries later. Kamban – a Tamil poet was prominent among them.

The footage was submitted for rigorous psychoanalytical studies as well as to social scientists at various US universities. Kant Ill-alias a sociology professor from Andhra Pradesh who was on a tour to US for Dalit cause stated that the entire Ramayana was written as a result of the ‘poor tribal robber’s traumatic encounter with the cunning Brahmin Narada whose motives were less than benign.’

Dandy Vendor another US scholar psycho-analyzing Hinduism agrees: ‘Narada using the highly disturbed state of Valmiki’s mind put the suggestion that Rama was born in Ayodhya’. She further stated that she ‘also finds homoerotic overtones in the relation between Narada and Valmiki which the sage later substituted for Rama’ Dandy Vendor said. ‘But now with growing Hindu intolerance when such scholarly statements are made instead of passively receiving our Freudian Revelations, Hindus throw eggs and rotten tomatoes on scholars.’, a visibly depressed scholar said. ‘In Freudian terms rotten tomatoes are as dangerous as Khomeini’s Fatwas’ she pointed out.

Meanwhile in Tamil Nadu a Dravidian scholar Deiva Thomadasan has claimed that Valmiki was actually a Christian baptized by St. Thomas and that Brahmins simply corrupted the story substituting Narada for St.Thomas. He pointed out that Valmiki chanted ‘Mara Mara’ which became ‘Rama’. “‘Mara’ in Tamil means wood. In reality Valmiki was praying to Jesus who died and resurrected on the wooden cross” the scholar emphatically declared.

BJP and RSS had claimed that they had no role in Narada’s encounter with Valmiki. RSS Chief Mohan Bhagwat pointed out that Narada had never attended a Shaka. Subramanian Swamy said that the time machine itself was an Italian make and he had in his possession documents that showed that Sonia had been using a time portal to smuggle valuable manuscripts from the past to the future. It was because Sonia was afraid that Swamy might expose her that she had sponsored the sting operation through the Catholic Church. Mani Shankar Iyer had stated that BJP should be ashamed that they had changed a robber into a saint.

In a TV interview he said, ‘If all robbers become saints then will how we recruit for secular Congress? This is a conspiracy not only to destroy Babri Masjid but to finish the Nehruvian legacy.’ CPI(M) and CPI have already asked election commission to ban sales of Ramayana till the end of elections. ‘Whether Ramayana should be banned in India for ever shall be decided by our Polit Bureau in consultation with other secular progressive forces in the country’ Brinda Karat said in a statement following the sting operation.

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Aravindan Neelakandan

Co-author of acclaimed book "Breaking India", Aravindan Neelakandan has worked for the past decade with an NGO in Tamil Nadu serving marginalized rural communities in sustainable agriculture. He is also a popular science writer in Tamil and is part of the editorial team of highly popular Tamil web portal

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